David Attenborough: Stop Lying to Me

I love a good nature documentary. Planet Earth*: yes please. Blue Planet: simply the best digital crack of all time. I have yet to follow everyone into the HDTV future, but when I do I’ll be buying Blue Planet again. If I happen to find a good ocean documentary on the TV, then I’m going to be forced watch it – like it is Roadhouse. But what I want to know is why every ocean documentary begins with a bold faced lie?

*When (there is no ‘if’) you go out and buy yourself a copy of Planet Earth, opt for the BBC version. The BBC version is narrated by David Attenborough, the way every nature documentary ought to be.

And we all ignore this lie. What lie? At the start of every ocean documentary the following sentence will be uttered: “We know more about the Moon than we do about the Earth’s oceans.” We’ve heard this so many times that I believe that we just gloss over it – ignoring the lie. How can this be true? Well it’s not true. And here are just some of the problems with it:

Facebook: Stepping on our Mother’s Toes

I’m not any good at the Facebook. I’m not really sure what “good” entails, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m no good at – dare I use the verb form – Facebooking. I’m ok with it; not I’m looking for sympathy or a Facebook Coach*. I am here to let you know that I may have inadvertently stepped into a faux pas via ‘Friend Suggestion’. 

*I'm fearing this fictitious position may actually exist.

Roughly a week ago Facebook thought that it would be a good idea that I become ‘friends’ with a real life friend from high school. This is right in Facebook’s wheelhouse – their raison d’être. What could be the problem? Here’s the problem: our mothers are friends. Our mothers are actually pretty good friends.

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My love affair with Smartwool; continued

I'm flying* from New Orleans to Houston on a completely empty Southwest flight. There is plenty of space to stretch out, make yourself comfortable, and let the dogs breath. My dogs are breathing. And they are happy. Very happy. They have a pair of Smartwool light hikers on. That is my definition of happy feet.

Bathroom Etiquette

There are a host of unwritten rules (and steadfastly adhered to) of bathroom etiquette which dictate how men choose and act around bathroom urinals. For example, when you walk into a bathroom with three urinals, one unoccupied, every self-respecting man in the universe will choose the furthermost other urinal. This is innate knowledge; I was never told or instructed that I should/had to act this way.

Boycott Organization through Google Status

We are boycotting Chick-Fil-A. Why? Coupon Distribution Disagreements & Disturbances. More specifically, the Bel Air, MD Chick-Fil-A coupon distributors disturbed the Official Dad of the Song of the Summer. Dad was in the hardware store getting himself a new garbage disposal. It appears the coupon distributors caused a traffic backup outside of the hardware store parking lot. And you know you have no time for coupons or grabassing when you are in the midst of a plumbing project. Plumbing is not a time for foolishness*. It's a time for cursing.

Worst Day of My Life

Have I reminded you lately that the Phillies won the 2008 World Series? They really did. And even better than just winning a World Series - they won one that is going to be talked about a lot. It included a game with a 50 hour rain delay. ESPN will be showing video of the rain soaked Cole & Company for the rest of my life. I'm still giddy.

The Phils winning the Series was fantastic. Not the greatest day ever, but fantastic nonetheless. I actually do not have an answer for the favorite day of my life. I encourage the Song of the Summer's most faithful players to enter suggestions. However, I do have an answer to what was the worst day of my life. Or more correctly, the worst day of my life that makes for a good & funny story.

Boondoggles in the Age of Mercantilism

I'm in New Orleans (actually Belle Chase, LA). On Friday I'll be flying to Delaware*. Given the quantity of good food, live music, and the magic that is Delaware in December; you might think that I'm on a boondoggle. Why would you say that?

*Of course I'm not flying directly to DE. I'll be touching down in Baltimore and making my way north via I-95. Could someone please make the New Castle County Airport a commercially viable airport? That's all** I want for Christmas.

**I actually want quite a bit more. Like everyone else I lied a little when I made the grandiose statement.

Five Rules Worth Adopting Immediately

By now you may have read that the Congressman from Georgia's 10th District, Paul Broun, has compared Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler:

"We can't be lulled into complacency. You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him (Obama) to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential of going down that road."

If you have missed this item, you may find editorials about it here and here. The Congressman has evidently apologized. Good for him; but I am here to suggest we all immediately adopt the five following rules (stolen from this Joe Posnanski's blog):

Rule 1: It is never a good idea to invoke the name of Hitler to make any unrelated point.
Rule 2: However, if you plan to bring up Hitler in historical context, see Rule 1.
Rule 3: In certain rare cases, when you are interested in using Hitler to prove a larger truth, see Rule 1.
Rule 4: The one exception to this is … See Rule 1.
Rule 5: Yeah. Rule 1. Always.

Stephen: You're Still Waiting

On Sunday morning Ed* & I take a quick trip down to Einstein Brother's to grab breakfast sandwiches. It wasn't Einstein's greatest moment in efficiency. It was an absolute chaotic mess.

*Mike's neighbor in Houston, Texas

We wind up waiting for 20 minutes to get our sandwiches. Making matters more interesting, there was also the challenge of entertaining Ed's 2yr old* son for this duration.

*Like every other 2yr old on the planet Ed's son knows three emotions: complete happines; complete meltdown tantrum; and the transitional space between these two dichotomies. And like all 2yr olds he only occupies that transitional space for 1.7 minutes at a time.

These certainties lead to fantastic entertainment possibilities, provided you are not the parent responsible. When the 2yr old is completely happy chances are he is doing something hilarious. That something hilarious is almost guaranteed to include behavior you have to curb as a parent. That curbing induces the 1.7-minute walk to complete meltdown tantrum. Again that's hilarious, provided you are not the parent.

We are not the only ones waiting for their food, naturally. The Einstein's staff was in utter disarray. They are shouting out orders and asking if anyone is waiting for a bagel. Why yes we all are. And they busily get back to work.

Rain Delay Vindication - Finally

The Phillies had to Win. Karma Demands it. I'm not talking about horrible handling of Game 5 by MLB. The Phillies should have won the World Series last year. At the very least, they deserved to destroy the Colorado Rockies in the playoffs. They didn't. Karma must have been taking a vacation.

Last season, the 2007 MLB season, the Phillies were playing the Rockies in Colorado. A storm sweeps into Denver that forces a rain delay. It happens. But the storm carried some impressive winds. Winds that were strong enough to whip some things around. So if you were carrying a sail - like say a tarp to cover the infield - you might find yourself no longer attached to the Earth.

Think Blue; You're Not Fooling Anyone

Have you been reading about how you should unplug everything you own - presumably when you are not using it - so you will not waste electricity? Some of it makes a lot of sense: turn off your computer; turn off lights in rooms you are not in; unplug the TV when not in use. I can get behind all of that. But why do I need to unplug my cell phone charger? I hear this one mentioned all the time. But where is the electrical potential that is going to waste electricity? I don't get it. But I do it anyhow.

I don't want to talk about any of that though. I come to you with a new plan to promote being green* and stop wasteful electricity usage: Stop trying to fool me that you are still at work.